Twas the night before Christmas
I am aware of how cliché it is to parody this poem. Still, in the wee hours this Christmas morning I was too weak to resist the temptation.
Please to enjoy…
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‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,
Everyone was sleeping, as I left-clicked my mouse.
The data was organized hierarchically with care,
In hopes that significance soon would be there.
The design matrices were placed and I silently pled,
While beta estimation proceeded and sped.
I sat there and watched with a cat in my lap,
Wishing I could lay down for a well-deserved nap.
When in the background there arose a great clatter,
I quickly switched desktops to see what was the matter.
Tabbing through windows I flew like a flash,
Praying that MATLAB would not have crashed.
While I saw that the process continued to slow,
I was still encouraged that it continued to go.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a modal dialog, “Preprocessing is clear”.
With my mouse pointer moving so lively and quick,
I started a group model with just a few clicks.
More rapid than eagles the images came,
I whistled, I shouted, and called my subjects by name.
“Now AW! Now SL! Now ME and CG!
On CK! On JS! On DC and MC!
Let’s roll the dice, wherever they may fall,
Now estimate, estimate, estimate all!”
Another click made the processor fly,
The progress bar slowly rose up to the sky.
Out of my chair to the kitchen I flew,
You can’t ever argue with your internal milieu.
As I ate Christmas cookies I played all aloof,
Pretending to not care if there might be a goof.
I was working on my dissertation this time around,
And my hopes of graduating were nowhere to be found.
I returned to the computer and massaged my foot,
Thinking only of brimstone, ashes, fire, and soot.
I needed results to prove I had a knack,
Results my committee would find hard to attack.
My eyes, how they twinkled! My dimples how merry!
I smiled so wide, my results were just cherry.
Previous experiments had filled me completely with woe,
but incredible results I would be able to show.
A pencil I held all tight in my teeth,
As I saw active regions arrayed as a wreath.
I chortled and shook throughout my belly,
Though not like Saint Nick, with his bowlful of jelly.
I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it myself,
I pulled down my atlas from off of the top shelf.
Primary motor, secondary somatosensory, and on around the head,
Through frontal and temporal areas I was lead.
I shrugged to myself and began my work,
From region to region my mouse moved with a jerk.
I made my notes as through the brain I rose,
“The data is the data”, and this time it shows.
When all was done I gave a quick whistle,
I shut things down and was off like a missile.
I left the office and turned out the light.
“Happy Christmas to all, my dissertation’s alright!”
http://prefrontal.org
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